Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Portland: Where Young People Go To Retire

"She's crazier than me", I think, as we speed down I-94W with a Uhaul packed full of my sister's belongings (most importantly her coveted down comforter and mattress, that little princess and the pea). I think it's been almost two full weeks since she's made the absolute, final decision to leave the black, beautiful hole that is Milwaukee and travel westward to Portland, OR, where Cool Kids flock from all over the country to bask in their crunchy, heady hipness.

 First stop? Minneap for a two day love pit-stop complete with Horner Family wine circle story-sharing and a wild night at Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros with Minneap's four finest females.

 The lead singer Alexander was looking more sexy and disheveled than ever with his hair all up on top of his head like a quasi-turban and his old raggedy long-underwear shirt literally falling off him. Ouu Alexander, if I saw you on the street I'd probably hand you a granola bar, uttering "God bless", but on that stage with that voice, you're looking mighty fine. I could not have been more in love as glitter poured down our hair, faces and clothing from some undisclosed background glitter terrorist.
 Jade was as cute and pre-pubescent looking than ever with her bowl-cut and hoodless purple wolf sweatshirt. I want to be her mom.

 Edward Sharpe rocked it out with insane beautiful energy and I found myself being passed along from shoulder to shoulder of rowdy crowd members-- less surprisingly by two men about my age, and then lastly by a little tiny miniature lesbian. Finally safe back on the ground, their single "Home" began to bump bump bump in our hearts and filled our lung cavities with ever-flowing happy good good until the wee hours...

 The brutal light of 6:30 a.m. came stomping into my hungover brain- reminding me about the 1,700 mile drive Kal and I were about to endure. I wouldn't even think to bother writing about any of our Nort Dakota trek- I'll spare you all those long, flat, monotonous, never-ending details (and let's be honest- I was in a mild comatose state for most of it anyways- sorry Kal). However, by the time we got to Montana everything was gorgeous. Mountain man and mountain gal livin out in the back woods riding horses and breeding goats, yelling at pine trees just because they can and no one else is there to ask them "why?" or "stop that" kind of gorgeous.

 Gorgeous yes, but cooollddd. Me in last night's red miniskirt didn't mix so well with snow covered pine trees. When nature called, I stopped off at a roadside gas station,  pulled on some of Kali's thick wool ski socks (cursing my consistently horrendous packing abilities), and tried to act casual. The gas station was closing up shop but directed us down the street to a nearby bar--which actually happened to be this ghost town's only bar.

 Kali and I walked in and the whole scene immediately turned into an old Western film. Everyone stopped speaking, turned their heads to stare, music stopped and a pin literally tinged against the floor. I was threatened to a dual outside and tightened my gun sling as I spit a wad of chew on the floor and exited through the swinging wooden door.
Ok, not that far. Actually, I just awkwardly bee-lined it to the restroom in the back of the bar before deciding Kal and I deserved a cold one. And since our incredibly sweetheart of a bartender was buying, why not two?" What's that?, the bartender says, "You're taking a cross-country road trip? Shots for everyone!" She drew us a map of Portland and sent us on our merry-way.

 [Side-note: the Universe is so good to us. Delivering just what we want/need right when we want/need it. As Chris says, "Sometimes I like it here." ]

 That night we stopped around 11 p.m. at a nice little off the road crackden to spend the night.
The woman at the front desk was barking at a pack of crackheads and calling the local police enforcement as Kali handed over her credit card for a room for the night. We threw a blanket over Koya, booked it to our second story room, locked the doors and decided we were far too tired to care about silly things like personal safety, hygiene standards or our level of self-respect.

 The next day delivered us the Mother of Green Lushness. Passing the highway Oregon state border sign, Kali utters, "Wow. This is insane. I'm really moving here", as if realizing it for the first time.
 Bless her, that ballsy little bliss follower.

For Mama J, Kal and I, Portland was filled with lots of necessities, like finding a roof over Kali's head. But when not worrying about my little homeless, jobless bum of a sister- we made sure to soak up as much Portlandia culture as time allowed. Micro-brews and free range chicken, chats and rowdy laughter with Dana, urban pirate pack sightings, park lingering, and overall city explorations.



 I see nothing but opportunities and dream manifesting for Kal in this crunchy jungle of love and fix gears.
 I'll have to come back to Portland after collecting some more body ink to aid in my friend-making abilities. But then I'm there!

 Portland...Where Young People Go To Retire